PARENTING

MOMMY BLOG: My son's at such a fun age: 312 months

By 312 months, their language is really starting to develop in new and fascinating ways.
(Shutterstock / Iakov Filimonov)

Happy winter, everyone! Can't believe all this snow we're having! Kayden's home from school today because he skips class on the regular, and it's a perfect day for us to do some fun indoor activities: reading over his shoulder while he composes an Instagram comment on Becca's bikini selfie; asking him for the third time to please shovel the driveway; standing in the doorway and watching him lace up his boots; overhearing him ordering pizza from the basement! I have to say it: god, I love this age. This is such a fun age.

By 312 months, their language is really starting to develop in new and fascinating ways. Sarcasm, random grunting and dramatic sighing when asked literally any question, and strange and silly new words that only make sense in their sweet little imaginations, such as "woke" and "bae" and "Tinder"! 

I'll never forget when Kayden was about 300 months, we were making cookies, or I was anyway – he was Snopcharting with Becca – and he looked up at me and out of nowhere he goes, "Mom, I'm calling an Uber 'cause I gotta bounce." Bounce! To describe the act of leaving a place! At this age, there's just no limit to how inventive and unique their self-expression can be! Gosh, I still laugh about that. It'll be a great little anecdote to tell at his wedding one day. Although he'll KILL me, I know!

I gotta say, though: 312 months isn't without its challenges. At this phase, they're putting EVERYTHING in their mouths – waffles, wings, hot dogs, rum and Coke, joints. It's normal, but it requires us moms to be a little extra vigilant! The other day, get this: I turned my back for four seconds and Kayden was in the middle of putting a Bud Lite Lime into his mouth. "KAYDEN NO" I shouted, because that beer is a crime against humanity. I snatched it from his lips just in time. Eyes open, moms! These little devils move fast! It's okay. We both recovered. I know I'm biased but I think he's adorable. Becca has said several times that she agrees, so clearly I'm not that biased! 

And boy are they learning the word "no!" By 312 months, everything's all "NO NO NO!" Kayden, do you need me to buy you condoms???? Kayden, have you applied for that Scotiabank internship??? Kayden, don't you think it's maybe time for some new boots???? It's just miraculous to see them assert their independence. My little boy is growing pot!

Oops, I gotta go. Think I hear Kayden crying. He did shrooms last night and he's spent all morning overwhelmed by the beauty of clouds. Sounds like someone might need a third nap!

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About the Author

Sophie Kohn

Managing Editor

Sophie Kohn is the head writer and managing editor of CBC Comedy original editorial, a stand-up comedian in Toronto, and a graduate of Second City's Conservatory program.

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