PLEASE FORGIVE ME

Five tips for beating the summer heat on Bryan Adams's yacht without him knowing you're there

Here are some tips for enjoying the amenities on Bryan Adams's boat Run to You without him sensing your presence and punting you headlong into Lake Ontario!
(Shutterstock / Fnik)

There's no better way to chill out during the summer months than unwinding on Bryan Adams's spacious yacht! There's a catch, however: the Cuts Like a Knife rocker is famously selfish about letting others onto his vessel, cruelly restricting access to friends and family members. All is not lost, however: here are some tips for enjoying the amenities on Bryan Adams's boat Run to You without him sensing your presence and punting you headlong into Lake Ontario!

1) The rec room in Bryan Adams's yacht has some powerful AC. You can soak up those cold blasts by stopping by the yacht between 1 and 5 p.m., the period during which Bryan randomly visits local ball diamonds during slow-pitch games to see how many people recognize him. The window to the rec room is secured by a faulty latch, so if you jimmy it often enough, it should pop open quickly!

2) Anyone who has read Adams's 2003 autobiography (Not) Finding it Hard to Believe (I'm) in Heaven knows that Adams is a huge fan of human taxidermy. Why not have a friend pose as a delivery person and drop you off at his watercraft while you pretend to be inanimate? Adams will naturally assume that you're a gift from a friend. Then you can keep cool (and very still) until just before he wakes up the following morning!

3) Adams is a huge fan of his own music. Why not try blasting a hit like Summer of '69 on a large stereo at the marina where his boat is docked? Ideally, it should lure him out of the boat and into the parking lot in a trance-like state. That'll leave you free to sip a cold brew (or eight!) from his fridge!

4) Bryan absolutely adores soccer. Try curling yourself into the fetal position and then rolling yourself right onto his deck, as if you're a soccer ball that's rolled away from a nearby game. Odds are he'll head, knee and boot you to his heart's content, and you'll get at least a few hours of shelter from that awful punishing sun!

5) Show up to his daughter's next piano recital and chat with Bryan for a minute about both his child and your fictional son Bryden, who couldn't make it to the recital due to a bad case of dropsy in his ankles. Pick his pocket for his keys and run to the nearest convenience store to get copies made. If possible, give the person behind the counter an additional $100 to borrow their son for ten minutes. Return to the recital with the boy, slip the keys back in Bryan's pocket, and loudly announce, "Well, look whose dropsy has subsided — young Bryden, my beautiful piano boy!" Now you can slip in and out of Run to You whenever Brian's gone until the fall chill sets in!

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