KIMS

CURIOUS! Turns out Kim from HR's name isn't short for 'Kimberly', but 'Kim Jong-un'!

All of us here at Global Integrated Systems Management Framework Solutions just adore Kim Harris up in Human Resources.
(Shutterstock / LuckyImages)

All of us here at Global Integrated Systems Management Framework Solutions just adore Kim Harris up in Human Resources. What's not to love?! Her sunny smile that lights up Conference Rooms J through O, her delightful blond bob blowing in the aggressive AC, the way she chirps "You betcha!" when you need to submit a request for vacation days. God bless you always, Kim up in Human Resources!

Well, things aren't always as they seem.

I don't know how to tell you guys this other than with words placed in an order that creates a particular meaning, but this morning I happened to be up in the HR department for my annual performance review. I was using a stall in the women's bathroom, and someone – obviously I couldn't see who – was in the stall next door. When she suddenly dropped her wallet on the ground and her ID cards splattered everywhere, my sympathy quickly turned to horror as my eyes attempted to process the driver's license that lay mere inches from my feet – just close enough for me to make out the words.

"HARRIS, KIM JONG-UN" it read.

We both gasped simultaneously as she scrambled to grab her ID from the floor.

"My huge secret!!" she exclaimed. "SHIT!!"

Back at my desk, I had a lot of processing to do. What a truly peculiar choice of name for the woman we all know as Kim Lynda-Anne Jessica Harris, born and raised in Meaford, Ontario to eight generations of British people! What was the explanation?? And why hasn't Kim Jong-un – not the North Korean dictator, I'm speaking now about the senior manager of Human Resources – shared her true identity with any of us here at Global Integrated Systems Management Framework Solutions?!

As I reflect on my time working alongside Kim Jong-un from HR, perhaps the signs have always been there – I've just been unwilling to truly see them.

Over the past few months, she has fired off several very provocative emails at unexpected times.

Last week, she DEVASTATED Hector from Sales when she sat him down and told him his position had been terminated. After he wept openly for 20 minutes into a kerchief, she informed him that in fact, this had simply been "a test firing" and that he was free to return to his desk.

Keep a close eye on your coworkers, everyone. Once you get it into your head that a 53-year-old white lady who adores Pinot Gris, needlepoint, and Pilates is the supreme leader of a small East Asian peninsula, there's just no unseeing it, is there! Anyway, TGIF!

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About the Author

Sophie Kohn

Writer/Producer

Sophie Kohn is writer and producer with CBC Comedy, a stand-up comedian in Toronto, and a graduate of Second City's Conservatory program.

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